you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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