a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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