He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize