Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
