my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize