I wish I only lived at night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
