I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
