That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
