Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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