Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
