I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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