We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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