i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
