As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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