barbara walters just said penis...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hello my rib-scented angel!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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