Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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