I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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