So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
