Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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