So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you never un-have a 4some
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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