So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
