Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
