I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
