I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
