you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
