Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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