i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
