I puked a lego.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
