I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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