Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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