Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
