Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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