We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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