If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
