dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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