We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
