Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
