can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
