No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
