She's JV to your varsity
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
