Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
