You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
