what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize