We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
