Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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