I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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