the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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