I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
