I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
