If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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