so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
home. puking in laundry basket.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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