just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
