Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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