just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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