lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
