I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
smell my finger.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
