I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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