Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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