She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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