i just google imaged poop.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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