At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
