every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize