So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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