Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
