I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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