HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
