I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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