bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
