He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
