Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
