Just fell off a train. Bad.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
