sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
